Life can be so hard at times! I have not written for a couple of months, due to LIFE. The struggles, the business, the work, etc.
If you have read any of my other posts, you know about my struggling marriage. Well, after finding out my husband is again (and continuing to be) unfaithful to me, I have filed for divorce. For SIX years, I have tried my best to make this marriage (of 24 years) work. I am now miserable, bitter, stressed, frustrated and overall unhappy. So, after discovering lots of evidence of unfaithfulness, I filed for divorce.
Such a difficult word for me to say…of even type. DIVORCE. I feel shame over it. I feel regret over it. I feel embarrassment over it. I feel failure…… I never imagined my life would turn out this way.
My final breaking point was realizing my kids were losing their souls to the devil, because of all the fighting, manipulation, gaslighting, toxicity in the house. I love my children more than anything, and can’t bear to see them lose their souls over my failures. More than anything, I want to see them love God and do good for God’s kingdom. But due to the continual struggles in our home, they hardly even believed in God anymore.
Now, there are so many decisions to make….so many changes happening…. I’m OVERWHELMED! I just want to hide under a rock….run away to a tropical island…. sometimes even tempted to say “forget it” and stay in this farce of a marriage.
However, I am reminded constantly… God IS with me! He will help me through it all! I cry out to Him many times throughout the day… to just hold me, calm me, give me direction, take care of me….
Through it all, I still have to run our ten tax stores, and still trying my best to build up my AVON business. Because of my medically fragile daughter, I am not able to work a traditional, full-time job. I have to be able to take her to all of her doctor appointments, stay home with her when she is (often) sick, drop everything when she’s in the hospital. Life is very unpredictable with her.
But I’ll end with an encouraging verse:
“God, my strength, I look to you for help. You are my place of safety, high in the mountains.” Psalm 59:9 ERV